A Year in Reflection: Faith and Grace

Last year this time, I decided to leave the church that I called home for 2 years. I was tired, confused, angry, frustrated, scared, annoyed, fed up, and to say the least, burnt out. School became exponentially harder as it is coming to an end, while church felt increasingly mundane and became everything but worship. I spent the next 12 months, running around trying different outlets, trying to muscle my way out of the ditch I fell into. 

It was hard. 

But throughout last year, God has taught me more about His faithfulness than anything else. He showed me the importance of community and fellowship, in Him (primarily) but also in others, during a time when I really didn’t want community or fellowship. The spark of this reflection actually began by running away from people. For months on end, I’d go to church and come straight home; no fellowship, no serving, no eating, no Sunday stuff. But oddly, God began to put people into my life, during the hardest times to remind me of His grace. These people were wildly different (to name a few): a freshman that I played basketball with every Tuesday morning, an unlikely friendship that revolves around a game metaphor, an old friend attending school across the country, a sophomore who regularly buys and sells shoes yet always complains about the system, a guy who spent a year in China, and another dude who sells lighting for a living. But the Lord was more than gracious; He spoke through each and every single one of these people, demonstrating that He is still sovereign and still there. In a time where I thought community was the last thing I needed or wanted, He brought random people together to remind me that this race isn’t an individual event. 

It seems so cliche and matter of fact, especially in retrospect. There wasn’t a grand miracle or life altering event that changed my year as much as it has. But 365 days of faithfulness (not even close), prayer (a bit closer), and random conversations (most of the time) has brought me thus far. During a time when I felt that God was as far as He could be, reflection showed that He’s been there the entire time, more present than ever. His faithfulness and mercy didn’t just “guide me” (whatever that means in Christianese); it literally carried me like a leaf in a strong wind, only to realize the distance I’ve traveled once the breeze has calmed. By sheer grace, He’s given me the opportunity to reflect and have a year worthy of reflection. 

Do I have the game figured out? Nope. But in the words of John Newton: 

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,

I have already come;

‘Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,

And grace will lead me home.